Honey... the kids are looking....

By Dr. Laurie Betito

Show your affection. It's the best thing you can do!

When it comes to displays of affection, everyone’s got different tastes. Some of us are just more into giving and receiving affection than others, not to mention that we all show our affection in different ways. Affection is one of those fundamental human needs just like security, respect, and acceptance are. Children need to see the love between their parents. This is a wonderful gift to give to them. Think about it, when you are feeling down, being shown that you are cared for is helpful and healing. Most parents have no difficulty showing this to our kids. After all, babies and young children are so yummy, you could kiss and hug them all day. But that’s the easy part. In the early stages of a relationship, displays of affection seem to come easy. Do you remember spending hours just making out? Fast forward a few years; where did all that kissing go? The reality for most of us, especially those with young kids, is that we live in a fast paced, stressful environment with little time for “me” or for “us”. And we forget. We forget the importance of connecting at the most basic level; simple touches, making eye contact, a compliment. We end up depriving ourselves of this very basic “need”, and we also end up depriving our loved ones. So you might be asking yourself, “why do my kids need to see this?” One of our tasks as parents is to make our children feel secure. What better way than to show them that they live in a loving household. Sure, couples can argue. And the kids are often witness to these moments. But if they see that you can kiss and make up, they learn lessons in conflict resolution, and such arguments needn’t make them feel insecure. By watching their parents show affection to one another, children also learn that this is how we show love. When it’s their turn to be in relationships, it will come more naturally to them. Ask someone who grew up in a family environment where they witnessed little affection how they feel about being affectionate. Many will tell you that they just don’t think about it much, and if their partner complains about a lack of affection they have to work hard to remember to show affection. u u Most young children will react with a “gross!” when seeing their parents kiss. Most young children will want to come between you if they see you hugging. Older children may even tell you “Mom, Dad, get a room!!!!” Although they appear pretty grossed out, they are smiling inside with the knowledge that their parents love each other. Studies have shown that women and men need to be touched. A hug here or a kiss there might not seem like so much, but if you add up all of these instances, the receiver feels that much more loved. Touch and affection inevitably increase the warmth in a relationship. Warmth breeds intimacy, and intimacy breeds good sex. Here are some little ways to show affection: snuggle, hold hands, hug and kiss, caress, dance together, say “I love you.” When it comes down to it, our bodies require touch: it relieves stress; it makes us happier (and therefore healthier). Whether the affection you give is physical or not, the problem is that as our relationships progress, we sometimes begin to take each other for granted; we simply get lazy. When it comes to practicing the art of loving in your daily life, you can't be lazy or take anybody for granted. If you’re in a loving relationship, you have to make a real effort to show affection to your partner, both physical and otherwise. Your children will thank you……………later.

Dr. Laurie Betito Psychologist/Sex Therapist Host of Passion, CJAD 800AM.