Magic Words

By Shari Reinhart

"Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter which fork you use." Emily Post

When I was 8 years old I had my mouth washed out with soap. I never swore again. When my brother mumbled "pass the ketchup" he had to repeat the request using a clearly spoken 'please' before that ketchup bottle made it anywhere near his plate. Lessons taught, lessons learned. "Teach etiquette? Who teaches etiquette these days?" I get it. While this may seem as archaic as using a telephone with wires there is no technologically advanced version for good manners. They are developed the good old-fashioned way; parents teaching children right from wrong. Learning and applying strategies for a strong social skill set is fundamental to fitting in with other kids, garnering respect for oneself and cultivating harmonious relationships. Through the development of social graces they begin to build in themselves a natural capacity for kindness, respect and politesse towards others. This helps to integrate them easily into relationships with their peers, siblings, teachers and other people with whom they interact in the community and beyond. What parent doesn’t want that for their child?

Manifesting the Golden Rules:

It's easier to instill good manners than to change the patterns of bad manners later. Start with simple concepts like please and thank you, not interrupting conversations, and showing how to share. Use a calm voice, gentle reinforcement and repetition as consistently as possible. These basics offer a good introductory point for more complex lessons later on. Concentrate on teaching no more than three rules at a time. Using play dates as the example; show your child how to greet his friend when the doorbell rings, how to take turns and share toys. Invite him to come up from the basement to say good bye at the door. You know as well as I, children adopt behaviours through observation. Do as you wish your children to do; they will model your behaviour and actions. Raising well mannered children lays the foundation for their future in so many ways. The investment of time, patience and attention that goes into their etiquette training will give them the edge they must possess in what has become a generally fast-moving, me-me-me world. These are the children who grow up to be socially savvy and successful.